Here’s a collection of the 100 best Facebook Status updates from 2011. If you think you have a better list, do share it with us.
| 1 | “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart” |
| 2 | 3am phone call: “Hey, are you asleep?” You: “No, I`m skydiving.” |
| 3 | A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly |
| 4 | A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond, `What`s your name?` asked the chicken, `Bond, James Bond. Whats yours?`, `Ken, Chick Ken.` |
| 5 | A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.  |
| 6 | A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. |
| 7 | A woman will always forgive & forget.. But she`ll never let u forget that she had forgiven & forgotten. |
| 8 | Asking a question is easy. Hearing the truth isn`t. |
| 9 | Awkward moment, When you`re in the car, & you look at the people in the car next to you, & they`re already looking at you |
| 10 | C.L.A.S.S==”COME LATE AND START SLEEPING” |
| 11 | Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters |
| 12 | Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up |
| 13 | Dear brain, give me a break. Get that someone out of my mind, please. |
| 14 | Dear Human, You get mad when I wake you up, & you also get mad when I don`t wake you. Sincerely, Confused Alarm Clock |
| 15 | Dear kids, There is NO Santa Claus. Those presents are from your parents. Love, WikiLeaks |
| 16 | Dear Santa, this year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy`s computer. |
| 17 | Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? |
| 18 | Don`t u hate it when you`re texting lying down & all of a sudden ur phone decides to be NINJA & slip through your hands & attack your face? |
| 19 | Even though I finished my test first, I wait for someone else to get up. |
| 20 | Everyone has pretended to die infront their pets to see if they would do anything. |
| 21 | FACEBOOK FACT The people under your friends list on your wall are the people who visit your wall the most. |
| 22 | Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls, play useless games and you get poked by weird people… |
| 23 | Facebook REALLY needs a `No one cares` button |
| 24 | Faking a smile is the most painful lie but the most effective way to hide from all the questions. |
| 25 | Girl’s biggest lie: I`m OK. |
| 26 | Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone  |
| 27 | Google, copy, paste, Assignment finished! |
| 28 | Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. |
| 29 | High heels are a man`s invention to make it harder for a woman to run away. |
| 30 | History always tells a story.. That`s why you must always clear it before your dad uses the computer. |
| 31 | Hours on the computer feel like minutes, minutes studying feel like hours. |
| 32 | I asked if she liked my handsome face or my sexy body. After looking me up and down, she said my sense of humor. |
| 33 | I did it on my bed… I did it on the couch… I did it in the car… Texting is such an obsession. |
| 34 | I don`t hate you but, My attitude has issues with your personality |
| 35 | I don`t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle. |
| 36 | I hate when cashiers ask “Is that everything?” Uh no, I`d also like all this invisible shit… |
| 37 | I hate when I look horrible in a group picture and the person that looks good refuses to delete it. |
| 38 | I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you… the more you have the longer you live. |
| 39 | I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don`t want to start any trouble, but shouldn`t that be an even number? |
| 40 | I love it when I smile at someone and they smile back at me. |
| 41 | I must be wishing on someone else`s star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for. |
| 42 | I remember when i was a kid i went on the computer just to use paint =) |
| 43 | I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos. |
| 44 | I wish I had a theme song that played whenever I did something awesome. |
| 45 | I`m not addicted to texting, I`m addicted to the person i`m texting. |
| 46 | I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but… I`m Batman! |
| 47 | I`ve got a time machine. I get in and it takes me seven hours into the future. I call it… bed. |
| 48 | I`ve just moved you to the top of my ” To do list” |
| 49 | i-pad, i-phone, i-pod, i-tab………. and finally i-bankrupt |
| 50 | I’m feeling a little off today. Would you mind turning me on? |
| 51 | If facebook were to crash, America would be full of people walking around towns across the country, talking to walls and poking people… |
| 52 | if u need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service) |
| 53 | If you admit when you’re wrong then that counts as being right… so basically, I’m always right. |
| 54 | If you receive something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend. |
| 55 | is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: “I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!” |
| 56 | It’s not about getting through the storm, but rather to learn to dance in the rain |
| 57 | Listen to your elders advices, not because they are always right, but because they have more experiences of being wrong. |
| 58 | Marriage isn’t a word, it’s a sentence. |
| 59 | Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does |
| 60 | Music is my sun, and you’re blocking my light. |
| 61 | My back is not a voice mail. If you got something to say, say it to my face. |
| 62 | My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It`s freaking 2011, I`ll rent a boat |
| 63 | My mother always told me if you can`t say anything nice, don`t say anything at all.. and some people wonder why i`m so quiet around them.. |
| 64 | My name is_____ and I can never find a key chain with my name on it. |
| 65 | Never apologize for saying what you feel, its like saying “sorry for being real” |
| 66 | Nobody can go back and start a new beginning ,,,but anyone can start today and make a new ending. |
| 67 | Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. |
| 68 | Parallel lines have got so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet. |
| 69 | roses are red,violets are blue,i have five fingers,and the middle ones for u!! |
| 70 | says people are always asking whats the meaning of life, why don’t they just look it up in the dictionary. Duh!!!! |
| 71 | Smiling does not necessarily mean you`re happy. Sometimes it just means you`re strong. |
| 72 | Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was Drunk |
| 73 | Strangers think I`m quiet. My friends think I`m out-going. My best friends know that I`m completely insane. |
| 74 | Texting someone who is sitting right next to you. |
| 75 | Thanks to Facebook, i now know what everyone`s bathroom looks like |
| 76 | The 3 most common lies on the internet: 1. I have read and agree to the terms of service 2. Status: offline. 3. Yes, I am over 18 years old. |
| 77 | The awkward moment When you`re in an argument and you realize you`re wrong. |
| 78 | The awkward moment when your friends are talking about something you don`t know about, and you`re just sitting there. |
| 79 | the statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they`re okay, then it`s you. |
| 80 | There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people. |
| 81 | There should be relationship status that says,”I don`t even know what`s going on” |
| 82 | They say “don’t drink and drive” but yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. It made me feel dangerous! |
| 83 | thinks that if your relationship status says, “It`s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single” |
| 84 | this movie isn`t even scary! *Based on a true story* “Oh shit.” |
| 85 | Throwing random things at people then acting like it wasn`t you. |
| 86 | Today, I saw a baby with a shirt that said, “I`m what happened in Vegas.” |
| 87 | trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon. |
| 88 | Wanted by MANY… Taken by NONE… Looking at SOME… Waiting for ONE |
| 89 | was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. I almost got killed! THANK GOODNESS the Walmart greeter saw what happened and came over and unplugged it. |
| 90 | When a woman says no, she means no. But when a man says yes it means he probably didn`t understand the question. |
| 91 | When asked “What would you bring with you to a deserted island”, how come no one ever replies, “A boat.”? |
| 92 | When Facebook starts showing how many times you have visited someone`s profile, we`re all screwed. |
| 93 | When life gives u lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate! |
| 94 | When someone texts you “hahahahaha!!” instead of “haha” or “lol”, you know you`ve done well. |
| 95 | When you`re right, no one remembers. When you`re wrong, no one forgets. |
| 96 | Whoever uses phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby |
| 97 | Wouldn`t it be nice if your ipod could detect your mood and make a playlist for it? |
| 98 | You can`t be old & wise, if you were never young & crazy… |
| 99 | You caught me staring, but I caught you staring back. |
| 100 | You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it. |